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Looking back, the last year and a half - from my initail consultation to my one year anniversary - seems like one big blur. When I chose to have a breast reduction I knew that it would affect my life, but I had no clue just how big of an impact it would have - physical, social, and emotional. For the first time in my life I am comforatable with my body and happy with what I see in the mirror and in photographs. My eyes don't automatically go to my breasts to make adjustments so I fit into a bra that was too small. I see the whole picture now, not just a huge pair of breasts. I'm thrilled to be able to run, ride my horse, and do daily activities that large breast made so increadibly difficult. Bra strap grooving, rashes, and neverending back pain are things of the past. That part of my life is gone for good (AMEN!). Even though I am delighted with my new breasts, it has occasionally been a struggle to find my idenitity with out the large breasts that have been how people saw me and how I saw myself for so long.
Since my surgery in July 2001 I have fretted about my breast size; first I felt so small (not a bad thing, just a change), then still large - all based on what size bra I was waring that day - anything from a 36B to a 34D. But in the end I have decided that bra size doesn't matter now; the pain and discomfort is gone and besides that different manufacturers' bras vary in cup size. It is my perception of myself that changes from day to day, not my breast size. I have let my size control me for so long, now it's time for me to take control and enjoy doing all the things that were impossibe just 12 short months ago. I'm happy. The little things - giving bear hugs to my realitives, playing a game of frisbee with friends, and just being able to find a bra that is not one of three basic colors - please me to end. And for the record, since my surgery I have bought 17 new bras (18 counting a miniture sachet one that is too adorable!) - more bras than I have owned in the past 10 years! As for the scarring, I hardly notice it and would gladly take the smaller, scarred set over the heavy, sagging breasts that obstructed my life. If I had it to do all over again the only thing I would change is the time I spent selecting my breast size. Don't get me wrong - I am THRILLED with my current breasts - but I do wish had spent more time considering the size decision. I feel like I have found the person I have been trying to make myself into with the minimizers and the sport bras, the dark colored tops and the baggy sweatshirts. I have found the real me and I like who am. There really is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow!
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